Monday, November 4, 2013

Pretty ugly feeling....

1 st November 2013

I drove to work quite early. I was very hungry as I did not eat well for dinner.
I went straight to Rumah Universiti to fulfill my cravings of roti canai.

I waited for my nurse to arrive before I dig in...
While waiting for her, as usual I would see what my friends were up to in FB.

I was shocked to see I had a message from Shah...!
I was immediately put off food... :(

I didn't want to read his message at all even though I was like a cat, almost killed with curiosity. I ignored the text message and the whatsapp message as well.

Haven't he hurt me enough?

An hour later....
I read the message.
He wanted my help with his training programme for doctors doing his specialty.

Why me?!
I'm not the best person to help him out I think.

Just the day before, Auntie A and I was talking about him...
And there he was... In the picture of my life again...
I wonder what Allah wants me to do?


Anyway... Only after 6 hours after I read his messages did I have the courage to talk to him, as he wanted to discuss about it verbally.

It was surely good to hear his voice again but I was hurting and I hated him in a way for being able to hurt me still for just emerging from no where suddenly out of the blue ...

I don't know how I should feel anymore as I was still trying to heal from my pain he caused me all these while... Rejecting a few people along the way because i just don't want to get hurt again...

I so much wish he would continue to disappear like he did all these time, keeping  me wondering what I did wrong to him, what happened back then, what and why and how he had the heart to hurt me so much...

Of course.... no answer will matter anymore.. As everything is already too late ...

He will never be mine and I will never ever let anyone hurt me again....like he did to me


HH

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