Life as it is...

AsSalam...

'Wow...Alhamdulillah!'

I can say this with a smile now.

But for the last 2 weeks, I just cried, termenung and felt really down.
Astaghfirullahal'azim.

Let me begin to narrate my series of 'unfortunate events'.

After my blissful 'date', I was ignored- completely- by my date.
Now, that is like taking away most of my heart away.
I don't know why my date is being quiet until now...

I went back to KL with my kids, maid and my parents...with a very heavy heart.
Sampai KL, the gate would just not open!
"Alamak, Abah... tak ada electric kut rumah. Tripped kut?"

So, my maid Selly panjat the gate. She went into the house but she didn't know how to switch on the power back on. So, I had to climb over the gate. As I was climbing over, I was stung by some insect, it felt like bees... it was very painful. (Later I found out that the insects were called 'kelulut'). I was stung at a few places and so, I had to climb down. Tried again and I was stung again, now on my face. The third time, I climbed over on another side of the 'batu gate'. Masa ni, rasa menyesal tak pandai main panjat2 masa kecik dulu. I was scared off falling of course, ada banyak semut jugak.

I went in to the kitchen...
There was the shock of the day/ week.
The whole kitchen was 'ransacked'... Selly said, it looked like the monkeys' doings.
"Monyet ke orang Selly?!"
So both of us checked the other parts of the house..Alhamdulillah everywhere else were OK.

The kitchen was entirely in a mess..
I just don't have the heart to take a picture of it. I don't want to be reminded of it. Let me have it in my mind and hopefully oneday, I will be able to forget about the whole mess made.
The mess is one thing, the smell of the kitchen is another...
I'm guessing the electric failed probably around 1 or 2 days max. I have two freezers at home, and both freezers were defrosted but were still somewhat cold. Many things were deemed suitable to be placed in the bin, though.

Selly and I had to clean the whole kitchen and it took us the whole afternoon. And I was so lucky to have Selly helped me without a slightest grumble. And she can really clean... I was knackered by 5pm. I was tired for having lack of sleep the night before, driving the whole journey back from JB to KL and depressed from being abandoned.

The next day, on 31 January, I was busy with some paperwork for my housing loan, waiting for the doctors to see my dad for his appointment and waited to get this medications and later we had nasi daun pisang at Pandi's. Later we went straight to HKL to visit my uncle who was sick with gangrenous foot. He was a diabetic and a very heavy smoker.... I felt really sorry for him. I have asked him to see me to check on his blood sugar and I have countless times asked him to quit his smoking habit. Tapi.. sesal dulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tak ada gunanya... Latest news, my uncle will have to undergo another surgery, to amputate his left leg, below the knee. And when I examined him the other day, his right foot was also showing signs of problems. His blood flow over there is very weak, compromising the state and life of that foot. I can only pray for his well being and hope that he can get into terms with leaving on a wheelchair for awhile, before he gets his prothesis.

My parents and I reached home around maghrib because I had to console my cousin who was taking care of my uncle. She cried before we left them in the ward. I reached home and cooked something which I can't remember. It was surely hectic and Mak was saying that they will go back to JB the very next day,  New Year 2013. I told Mak that I would love them to stay another day because I felt so lonely in the house. Very lonely that I thought I was breaking down myself. Mak told Abah and they just kept quiet.

That nite, I heard the loud 'merry' sounds of fireworks breaking the silent sky marking the new year- 2013. I was as usual on my whatsapp. I saw a few people online, surely wishing one another a 'Happy New Year'.

I wish you a very Happy New Year, dearest... I hope both of us will find our happiness in this world and the Hereafter... AMIN.

The next day, I woke up early, asked my maid to gorengkan roti canai segera for my parents. I saw my mom already dressed nicely with her bag and all. I was a little sad to see she was going back. But she said, " Mak nak pergi Chow Kit lah... beli barang dapur dengan Abah".. yeay! They decided to go back to JB the next day. So, we spent the time together again... And I really appreciate their stay with me knowing that I am sacrificing my new niece's time with them.

I have forgotten that earlier on in JB, on 27.12.2013, my new niece was born at HSAJB. She was only 36 weeks, premature. Alhamdulillah, all went well and she's healthy, so was Auntie Leen- Ti Leen for short. My new niece's name is Nur'Aisyah Qaisara...maybe.

Anyway, that new year's day, I spent most of the time at home. After cooking whatever that was left by the monkeys, I went jogging around 5pm while my parents went to my cousin's about a kilometre away ,also at Section 16. I usually jog passing by his house, so I dropped by that evening. My parents were having tea with my cousin, his wife was on a holiday in London. So I guess, it was good to have company for tea. We talked about many things and I mentioned to him about getting him into the obesity clinic at my hospital.

I covered 5km or so exercising that evening- after 2 months off exercising- for many reasons. It felt great! Alhamdulillah. That nite, I slept well for a change... I mean better which meant like woking up not as frequent as I always did before.

The next day, I went to my son's school and to his sekolah agama just to make sure that he is already registered and to see whatever I can do for his schooling. That afternoon, I met my psychiatrist friend in a cafe as scheduled. Told him everything, everything that I had been through past few weeks. I made a point to him that I don't want to be treated, I just need time to heal me. He understood.

I went home to an almost empty house with Emak and Abah in JB. That nite, we were back to where we were a month and a half ago. Alhamdulillah... we were all safe.

On Thursday, Yasmeen was to start her first day at school. She was so excited. We went to Little Al-Azhar initially but I thought, it was going to be a little of a hassle to be sending my kids to two different places that I decided to send her to Icop's school instead. They do have a pre-school class there. Not as nice as Little Al-Azhar but I thought it was only for a couple of months before we move in to our new home. She adapted quite well in her new school. I pitied her because I had to send her there. To me, it was quite a sorry place to be but of course, the fees was only RM131, a once off payment for the whole year...what can you expect to get.

After sending her to school, I went to work. Finished my classes a little late that her school teacher rang me to remind me that my daughter was waiting for me. I was already on my way to fetch her. She was happy but she was 'told off' -in a nice way- to keep quiet in class. I expected that.

When I reached home, I was scared if my maid would run away since I was not home. This thought scares me. Then I saw my son's face at the door welcoming us home. Alhamdulillah... And Yasmeen narrated whatever happened at school to her abang and Kak Selly. We all laughed. Yasmeen wanted me to prepare her lunch and since it was already 1pm, I made Mee Hailam for all of us.

I had to go back to work early as I had class starting at 3pm, after my ultrasound scan. Alhamdulillah the scan was alright. Later after class, I had a few things done in my office and while on my way back to the carpark I met a colleague of mine and we talked about 'obesity' as usual. I told him it was already 6pm and I wanted to go jogging before it was too late.

I reached home 5 minutes later. Yusuf opened the door... His face was rather scared and shocked. Yasmeen then appeared, crying. My heart stopped a beat..or maybe more. I braced myself for the worst news. I didn't want to say it but I was half expected what my son would say.

"Icop...kenapa? Kenapa adik menangis?"
"Mommy... Kak Selly dah pergi, naik taxi!"
"Hah?! Bila??!"
"Tadi... pukul 4pm tadi..."

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun....

I was shocked.
I was angry.
I was sad.

How can Selly do this to me?

"Are you sure Icop?"
"Yes, mommy... Icop nampak taxi tu tunggu, kak selly kata nak buang sampah lepas tu dia terus masuk taxi. Icop tutup gate sebab takut pencuri masuk rumah kita" said my 8 year old.

Minmin was laready crying, asking for her Kak Selly. She was scared, Icop was scared to be left alone with his sister at home.

I called my sister, telling her that my maid was gone.
I cried. I cried because I was already tired. Tired with all that has happened... It seemed that everyone were abandoning me.
I don't know how much strength was left in me to go through all these.

I was abandoned by someone who I cared a lot... which already making me 1/2 gone.
My house was 'violated' by the monkeys.
My parents had to go back home and I'm left alone with the kids.
and now, my maid fleed!

Then I called my mom.
Of course, what else can we do except be patient and plan my days ahead, whatever that I could do.
Then I called Auntie A.

Later, I realised that I was actually traumatised. Not because my maid left me but the looks on my son's face, my crying daughter who was scared that scared me most...thinking what could have happened to them when I was away working and them alone at home with infinite potential mishaps that could have happened. A string of 'what ifs' ran through my mind...

Crazy woman! All you could have done was just tell me you don't want to work with me and I could have let you go! Just don't jeopardise my children's safety is all I ask.

This crazy woman said: Please forgive me, I had to go sebab saya sudah tak tahan. Saya tidak ada hutang lagi kerana sudah kerja 3 bulan dengan ibu. ( I paid the agent RM4500 to get her, which means I am paying her RM 1500 /month... I didn't employ a clerk did I?!)

She also said something like me making her sakit hati... I don't really understand her poor handwriting. If correcting her behaviour making her sakit hati then I am sorry.

Her perangai that I corrected/ tegur:

1) Bangun pagi selalu kena kejut untuk solat subuh and tidur balik... And kita kena kejut tidur lagi untuk siapkan anak2 untuk ke sekolah.
2) She slept during Asar as well sometimes. I had to wake her up from sleep again.
3) I came back with no food on the table... I said it is OK, but please prepare something for my kids if I had little time to prepare food for my kids as  can sometimes be late from work. I have taught her a few dishes to prepare.
4) I asked her not to wear her very tight jeans anymore.
5) I have told her (and my sister also did) that having her hair tied up too high will make the appearance of like the 'bonggol' of a camel..which is Haram.
6) She used other people's things without permission
7) She took my nieces clothings without permission- she said that this might be a miscommunication as she thought it was given to her.
8) She ate the kids' foodstuff more than the kids themselves till the kids complained that they didn't have enough vitagen, sweets whateverlah... because Kak Selly took them.
She actually gained 9kg since she start 'working' for me.
9) when my sister's maid prepared dinner on the table for my brother in law and the elder's on the dinner table, she went to eat before anyone else ate!
10) while others were busy in the kitchen, she was busy in the room fiddling with her phone
11) She had the time to update her FB status and profile pics when she was supposed to be ironing my childrens' clothes.
12) my daughter didn't want her to do anything for her....

Previously, my daughter did say that Selly hit her, many times, I don't know if my 4 year old had made up stories, she might but I can never be too careful about this and so I confronted her asking if that was true. Of course she denied. So, when I get home, I would examine my children's body for any signs of abuse. I saw one or two suspicious ones and I would ask her if she knew what it was due to, so she knows that I am watching her over.

So, now.. I am back to Jalan Kuching, tumpang my sister's apartment again. I am just too scared to stay at my own house at night. It is too secluded and too quiet. I am scared of many things especially human.

So...
There you go.
What a long journal.

What a life...
Alhamdulillah...

InsyaALLAH... I can handle all these but I can't handle my broken heart...
Only ALLAH can heal me...

-Ereen... the supermom, THE superwoman-